I am stuck in Neutral!

Why can't I put this thing in motion?

EMotional is the state where I currently reside... 

I am damned if I do and damned if I don't...

But stripping me by constantly reminding me of my past that has left this residue destroys me and keeps me in shackles and permits me from moving forward.

My drive encourages me to shift gears so why am I still stuck in neutral. This process is draining... Too many things to think about... Do I press the break or the gas either decision I'll have to commit to because this is my vehicle.

ETA you say? Is contingent  upon what happens in the NOW... As in today!

My Rib is supposed to protect my heart... But w/o a rib wouldnt I be more flexible?

I am legally bound but I want mobility. Settling for mediocrity is not an option...

All I want is for you to Love Me...

All I want is for you to Love me...

I am so sad yet so mad...

So Angry.... 

What did I do to you... 

Do you hate me? 

I feel like I'm good enough for the world but not for you...

I beg for your love and yern for you hug... 

I wish we were close but we are no where near close.

I believe that you have love for me but  am skeptical as to wether you really love me...

You live your life so freely and are content when you hear little from me...

I desire to be a MODEL

I desire to be a MODEL...

No runway. No skinny jean. No posing. No fancy clothes...

What I want is MORE.

I desire to be a MODEL...

No style guides. No Fashion Week. No photo shoots.

I WANT MORE... I DESIRE MORE...

When my son ask me the question (Which he will) Dad, how do you do it? I want to say: " through God, Sacrifice and knowing that there was always someone and something bigger than me... Son, i did it because I wanted at an early age to be a MODEL when I grew up."

I Desired to be the kind of Model that I saw in King and Barak... I longed for sustainability... A sense of delayed gratification with knowing that with every trial comes triumph...

I desired to be the kind of model that young men aspired to be like... A model that I've never seen on my runway... A model that played a role without acting.

I desired to correct the tarnished image of what a Husband and Father should be.

It's hard to know and use as a point of Reference when there is no Model. A structure in place... Sometimes in your way to block your view so that the mess is only seen through your per

Hand it over...

He told me... that he would one day turn me over to my iniquities...

While he won't leave me there... He will allow me to swim in my sin...

And bask in the glory that continues to add to this yet untold story of how the game changed...

And how...

My name has changed.

I use to be Saul  and I can clearly see me becoming Paul but I am stuck in neutral...

I am in the midst of this abyss and I am twirling and twirling...

And am ready to stop because this "hand" is in the way!

This "hand" keeps unraveling me and showing me mercy...

And this "hand" has something to tell me...

And this "hand" sees something that I cannot see...

This "hand" is on me!

I am favored and I know it... If I stand here thankful... I have yet to show it.

How many clues does he have to use to show me that sovereignty is real...

I know where I want to go... And I see where I want to be but this brown toned flesh continues to cover me.

But on this fine morning it has come to me that this hand that continues to touch and agree with me... Loves and cares for me and has vision of me being a specialty and who am I to be in his way... 

As he continues to chisel away the decay.

It's what's under this skin that matters most as it pertains to where it has to begin...

My mind says no, my body says maybe but my heart says yes...

Yes to your will... Yes to your way... Yes to allowing your "hand" to lead me today...


it's OVER. Hand it OVER...

INSPI(RED)

I am INSPI(RED)

It’s like the perfect thread interwoven into the fabric of my favorite shirt…

It’s amazing yet scary because reality tells us that one day this shirt will become worn…

Yet perfectly!

Vintage!

Just my swag!

I am INSPI(RED)

Spiritually, Physically, Intellectually, Culturally, Emotionally & Socially

I am attentive and focused on not allowing this feeling to get past me…

This ship might SAIL but I SHALL be on it!

This anchor used to connect this vessel to this body of water to prevent this craft from drifting in the event of a strong wind; gust or current can now be lifted…

I am no longer afraid of limits or daunted by the past or simply moving too fast…

I am INSPI(RED)

Like a Bonsai tree I am willing to be molded and shaped into what is ultimately…

to become of me!

The answer is YES for me…

I wonder…

What will your answer eventually be?

Just Love Me!

I AM MAN

You will never understand me…

I think differently and see differently and feel differently and quite frankly you don’t understand because…

I AM MAN!

I am a force to be reckoned with… one of a kind…

With these broad shoulders I have lifted heavy loads and carried the weight that you were
not physically built to bare…

This weight by way of physical, mental, spiritual, social and emotional norms will never be truly felt by you because it’s through a realm that for you has been made easy…

You look confused and I understand…
but be still & actively listen, because what I am trying to explain to you is that…

I AM MAN!

Emotion as you see it, is supposed to fit a social norm.

But take a moment to see with me and through me but the only way is to close your eyes and simply…

Listen

To

Me.

You may call me complicated but the world knows better.

Don’t be offended just hear me…feel me… see me the way God intended me to be…

Expectations of me extend far beyond what you see. However, I stand firm on my family being my 1st (not only) priority.

I was made to be great! Can you really imagine the pressure…

Can you truly relate?

Did god make you in HIS IMAGE?

No way will I ever be able to measure…

Yet when I fall short you take pleasure in questioning the one thing that means the MOST to me…

You really wouldn’t understand how I feel and you couldn’t imagine having to deal… because you are a woman and I am a Man and Gods plan was for me to lead so why get mad when you are called to follow?

Once again I will swallow…

My pride and put my feelings aside…

Because you have begun to stop listening!

Your eyes have locked in on me because what you hear sets well with me but for you seeks clarity…

It’s irrevocably just reality and yet saddens me that the world can see… Me.

Complicated, Understated… Poised yet drowned out by the metaphorical noise of uncertainty!

Stop asking God… Why Me?

Because his answer will always be…

Just Love ME!

This Generation has Lost their Appetite...

This Generation has Lost It's Appetite...

Despite the struggle, the strife and the pain... We as a culture sadly remain the same...

I reflect back on my favorite era... The 20's

What's interesting to me is that blacks were more progressive right after slavery than what we appear today to be...

We have forgotten about Segregation...

And the Great Migration...

And Racial and Social Integration & Musical composition

Because it all ended like and with the Great Depression!

See, our impression was that after slavery, we all would begin to be respected equally...

Such was not now or Ever a reality!

If only this generation knew what had to be done all for the battle that still has not been won...

My favorite time in our history was when you and I were never thought to be...

It's when "WE" was real and "I " was not... 

But above all else there was a true since of community...

...with love amongst African American people that was appreciated...

and not like the Cosby Show where that love is simply syndicated.

It's before Love & Hip Hop and more reality than TV...

It was North vs. South...

when New York met Morehouse...

It's the Harlem Renaissance...

Man. 

That era was soo cool. It was when brothers were hard working and had soo much class...

We have come a long way since then but we've forgotten this not so far past... 

Unfortunately, remembering struggle which led to today never really last. 

This era was a time where being black was unique and we finally were able to make our mark on society and culture...

Art, jazz, fashion and literature was molded and shaped by our signatures...

Cotton wasn't just something that we picked  but became a club that would soon mold and produce greatness... Duke Ellington and Cab Calloway

We truly had a story to tell... Short stories, Novels, plays and poems... Langston Hughes, Claude McKay, Zora Neale Hurston, Countee Cullen, A'Lelia Walker and Adam Clayton Powell Jr.

Those seemed to be the days...

Despite having to deal with blatant racial outlays in tough climates men still were men and took time to groom men.

They dressed to impress everyday because making a good impression was just the right way...

They didn't have the freedom to come and go as the pleased and to drink and sit what and where they wanted...

But they remained proud of what had already been accomplished... Being thankful for overcoming the biggest adversity which was lawful slavery...
 
The Harlem Renaissance man had a certain pride... A hunger which lacks in this generation...

Some Young men today have lost their identity and just refuse to put up a fight... I'm inclined to believe that this Generation has simply lost their appetite...